Back into the Swing |
Comments (0) |
30 Jul 2010
It’s funny. I’ve jumped into the diet thing so many times. So many times I’ll decide “Okay, Monday morning - I’m getting healthy.”
Half the time, when Monday came I’d be telling myself “Naah, I’ll start it tomorrow.”
The other half? I’d give it a half-assed shot but by Wednesday, I’d be back to my bad habits.
I’m not sure what makes this time so different. To be honest, this one came out of no where. I had been playing with the idea of going back to being good, but I wasn’t serious about it.
Then Monday morning comes along and I find that I’m just automatically doing the diet routine. I’m not motivated. I don’t have that fire burning in me like I had last time. I don’t know what it is but I’m just tired, you know? I’m tired of worrying about never being able to have kids because my health problems may have screwed up my reproductive organs. I’m tired of worrying that, in twenty years, I’ll die just as painfully and horribly as my Dad did. As my Grandfather recently did.
I’m tired of not being able to run or walk far because the added weight causes my damaged ankle to sprain.
I’m tired of it being an entire production in order to just buy something as simple as clothes. “Oh, that’s cute. Oh, wait. They don’t make that plus size. No, I gotta go with the huge zebra-print muumuus.”
I’m tired of people saying “Oh, you look so good!” When the truth is, we both know I don’t.
I’m tired of not being able to fly. Not because I’m afraid of flying. Not because I don’t fit in the seats. And not because I overflow. But because I inevitably sit next to the moron who spends the entire flight moaning and whining each time our shoulders bump, making snide remarks under his breath about diets and Jenny Craig.
Oh, wait. Flights. I’m not done with that one, yet. I’m tired of being petrified that the airline is going to charge me twice the amount they charge everyone else because bias against obesity is one of the few remaining prejudices that remain politically correct. Instead of changing the damn seats (which NO ONE fits in comfortably nowadays), instead we blame the overweight people. Yeah, that’s smart. Put the pressure on your fellow consumer instead of the airlines for outrageous charges where it belongs.
I’m tired of being thought of a drug user since, as someone who isn’t healthy, my face breaks out and I’ve got hollows under my eyes.
Man. I’m just tired of so -much- living like this.
Okay. I better get to the store. I’ve got a whole shopping list to get and only an hour to get it in.
| UOWI: 113kg | Sleepy.^^ |
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